Saturday, April 24, 2010

Arizona's Stupid New Immigration Law: Read It For Yourself

[Photo -- Clueless in Phoenix, Appointed Gov. Jan Brewer signs Arizona Laughingstock Law]

I'm impelled to publish the full text of the ridiculous bill that the appointed governor of Arizona, resembling some poor dear wandering a casino looking for the nickel slots, signed into law yesterday.

The actual text is useful because reporters can't seem to explain this nonsense coherently. For example, I just read in a news account that the bill makes it a crime "to not carry immigration papers."

What the hell are "immigration papers" and why must you or I have them on our persons in Arizona -- or be arrested? Even in a stone stupid law, that makes no sense.

That's another consequence of one of the more disturbing trends in journalism today, the trend toward paraphrasing rather than quoting specific language. As Bill Moyers said, "Reporters are paid to explain things they don't understand."

Anyway, here is the text of the bill as signed into law. As any second-year law school student can see, it's full of laughably imprecise language and spurious provisions that won't stand up to legal challenge.

And I hasten to add that this ridiculousness -- vaulting Arizona to the top of the national state-laughingstock list (South Carolina and Mississippi say thanks!)-- is the work of the nativist cabal that controls Arizona from within the invincibly resentful white right-wing population mass in Phoenix.

Phoenix is Orange County circa 1964, but without an ocean. Tucson, on the other hand, is relatively progressive (if politically weak) -- a citadel of good Old West sense and diversity.

Some people are calling for a tourism boycott of Arizona. But I'm launching a new campaign here: "Tucson, the Anti-Phoenix."



Anonymous said...

Besides the snarky comments regarding the governor (I'm assuming you made the same type of comments about the former governor, the lovely Ms. Napolitano), what would the enlightened residents of "progressive Tucson" suggest for this thorny issue?

Phoenix may be Orange County, CA circa 1964 but it seems to me that they are trying to prevent it from becoming Los Angeles circa 2010. I didn't reside in the OC in 1964 but I do now. I would have liked to experience southern California before the 30 year "invasion" commenced.
Regards, James

Bill Scannell said...

The guys who have been cheering this on are the same guys who fought the REAL ID Act. Weirdos.

PS: Long time, no hear.

ChefNick said...

Joe,who knew how screamingly funny you are? That's supposed to be my job, not yours!

You know, I would imagine that not too many U.S folks would have a clue about where I live. No, not Montreal, I'm talking about Canada. You know, the place with beavers, Mounties and maple syrup. The beavers always get their man!

But I swear, if Montreal is the Outhouse of The North, yo yo ma, just check out Kansas. Or Idaho.

There is a reason that the word "Yahoo" was invented. Forget dictionaries -- just get on a Greyhound bus and cross the United States of 'Merica.

ChefNick said...

Uh, Joe, sorry to be a bother again.

But we've got to be kidding. This is what taxpayers (anywhere!) pay good money for? Some squirrely a**holes earning their $18/hr as minor pre-law drones typing up this (ALL CAPS!) crap for absolutely NO ONE to read . . . hey, you've seen the car commercials where all you ever see underneath is " . . . and certain conditions apply."

I just . . . can't . . . okay, no, really I just . . . can't . . . imagine . . . how many man/woman hours it took to put this piece of . . . oh, sorry was I straying from my subject again? . . . together.

Joe. I know you know all about 37,000 feet. Do you know how many sheets of crap it takes to make a tower 37,000 feet high?

What a world we live on.