Peninsula Manila: Crisis Management 101

(Above: The lobby of the Peninsula Manila hotel. Without the tank.)


I deal with a lot of PR people. A few of them are stone dopes who do things like pitch good story ideas to multiple people simultaneously (you want to P.O. a reporter? There's a very fine way). But most of them are at least pretty good -- and some are absolutely excellent, top of the game, smart and savvy.

The hotel industry, it's been my experience, tends to have some of the very best PR people. In fact, I enjoy all hotel people in general, especially at the big multi-national companies. You routinely run into a savvy GM who's now running the resort in, say, Phoenix, having just come back from a few years running the five-star property in, say, Cairo.

I'm writing a book about my travels in the last eight years, and I find that some of the best stories are associated with hotel people.

They're among the last of the great classic travel adventurers, hotel people are. The good ones can think on their feet anywhere in the world, hit the ground running, never have a hair or a collar out of place, and still manage to keep the kitchen running and the sheets washed.

I'm especially impressed today with the way the staff and management at the Peninsula in Manila appear to have handled the nasty hostage crisis this week, which was the Manila radicals' latest adventure in Woody Allen-land, with crazy armed rebels who evidently had no idea what the hell they were doing.

Two bishops were said to have been part of the rebel group. Manila has one of these half-baked coup attempts about once a year, but this is the first one I've heard of that included a luxury hotel and two bishops. Not to mention a tank smashing through the Peninsula's doors and being driven right into the lobby.

Anyway, it's over.

Savoir-faire is what the best hotel people have, and they showed it in Manila, from what I'm hearing from friends in the industry.

Here are is how the hotel PR people handled the crisis. No fancy flack language, no obfuscation, just the facts -- and the contact names and numbers. No baloney. That's exactly what a reporter needs on a deadline in a bad situation. And it's also what you or I as a business traveler perhaps with plans to stay at the hotel might need to know:

***

News release Nov. 29, 3.15 p.m. -- "The Peninsula Manila has been occupied by a group of gunmen. There are no reports of any injuries to hotel guests, patrons or staff, and the matter is being dealt with by the relevant Philippine authorities ...The Peninsula Manila is currently being evacuated and hotel guests are being transferred to neighbouring hotels. ... The Peninsula Manila is now closed until further notice ..." {My note: The list of contacts for guests and press were attached, with names and phone numbers}

News release, Nov. 29, 7 p.m. -- "The occupation of the Peninsula Manila has now ended and the rebels have left the hotel. The matter is now being dealt with by the relevant Philippine authorities. Hotel guests are currently being accommodated at neighbouring hotels. ..." {Again, the list of contacts was attached}

News release Nov. 30: -- "Following the recent incident at The Peninsula Manila, the hotel is now closed temporarily and will re-open for business at 3:00 pm on Monday 3rd December 2007.

"Guests with bookings for arrival before Monday 3rd December are kindly requested to make alternative arrangements for their visit to Manila. For assistance, please contact the hotel on + 632 887 2888 or reservation.pmn@peninsula.com , and our staff will be pleased to help.
For general enquiries, please contact The Peninsula Manila on (632) 887 2888.

"For media enquiries, please contact Ms Irene Lau, Corporate Affairs Manager of The Hongkong and Shanghai Hotels Limited on (852) 9094 3153 or Ms Sian Griffiths, Director of Communications, The Peninsula Hotels on (852) 9026 5217."

Just the facts.

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Just Askin'

How high are air fares prices headed? It's anybody's guess, with oil prices basically out of control and the media focused on nonsense like the purported success of the "Thanksgiving Express Lane" White House publicity stunt.

Given the lack of scrutiny, it's my guess that the airlines are feeling free to run up fares in this brief slack period before the next holiday crunch. (Though, of course, most leisure travelers have already purchased their tickets for holiday travel, unlike many business travelers).

FareCompare.com reports a "significant increase (in) matching activity by Northwest Airlines, US Airways and Alaska Airlines." United started this latest fandango.

"Northwest Airlines significantly matched the $20 roundtrip increase for both business airfares (those less than 14 days advance purchase) and leisure airfare in over 18,000 city pairs," reported FareCompare.com's chief executive officer Rick Seaney, who added:

"US Airways significantly matched both business and leisure airfare in over 9,000 city pairs -- Alaska Airlines matched in over 200 city pairs.

"This latest wave of matching by the legacy airlines of the 10th attempted increase since Labor Day has left Continental Airlines as the lone holdout not to match – I expect them to match over the next few days."

***

Just askin' ...


Did the airlines and the air-traffic system dodge the bullet this Thanksgiving holiday period? I'd say so, though I'd also point out that the overall on-time rate of about 75 percent was nothing to hire a brass band over.


Nice weather also had a lot to do with whatever success the system claims. Last Monday, when the weather did become gloomy in the Northeast, and nasty in Atlanta, the delays began stacking up again, making for a bad night at airports from Atlanta to Boston.

By the way, the Air Transport Association, the trade group representing the interests of major airlines, posted timely operational updates for the period on its Web site. Good for the ATC. Trouble is, you have to look at that damn Edna. (Above. Sorry.)

Just askin' ...

Is Registered Traveler doomed as a technology-based alternate security program for those who pay the annual fee? One who thinks so is Bruce Schneier, the security-cryptology analyst and author, who told me recently he thought private-sector security technology was a deeply flawed concept.

"At first I thought Registered Traveler was really stupid," he said. That's when the programs were being marketed with promises of tecnology like electronic shoe-scanners that would allow members to avoid the hated requirement to take off shoes for a pass through the magnetometer.


The program -- now up and running in 14 airports -- is also based on members carrying a biometric ID card encoded with iris scans and fingerprints. You get the card (with a $99.95 membership at the major operator, Clear, for example) after the TSA runs your name against no-fly lists and terrorist watch lists.


Neither the shoe scanner nor the biometric ID have yet been approved by the TSA for checkpoint security use. Clear and two small competitors are now marketing their versions of the RT program essentially as fast-pass lanes with concierge service to help you keep track of your stuff as you go through regular security.


Schneier thinks that's the way to do it. "I'm perfectly happy with people paying extra money to go in faster," he said. "Concierge service, that makes a lot of sense. But basically the background checks are irrelevant. Dump them. The verified I.D. is irrelevant. Dump it."

But a fast-lane concept itself? "People are going through (the RT lanes) faster just because the amateurs are not in those lines. I'd pay money to go through the line with just people who know how to go through security."


Just askin' ...

--Why hammer Rudy for his entourage's 9/11 travel expenses to visit his girlfriend, when his good bud, the naughty police commissioner Bernard Kerik, was actually commandeering a Ground Zero condo -- donated as a rest spot for emergency-personnel -- to shag the scary Judith Regan? Oh, I see. It was the Hamptons for Rudy. ...

--You think they're kidding about air travel becoming more like taking the bus? In his weekly newsletter in Travel Insider, David M. Rowell notes that the Delta's new executive vice president for operations used to run Greyhound.

--Why did the media take those Thanksgiving Express Lanes -- opening up some military space for commercial traffic to stack up -- seriously?...

--Is Christopher Hitchens the only national reporter with guts to address fraud dressed up in religious vestments? Hitchens, who told the stone truth about Mother Teresa, calls out Bishop Romney and those oh-so-delicate campaign reporters in a piece in Slate (And yeah, Romney is a Mormon bishop) … Did you know that Caroline Kennedy just turned 50 years old? Not possible, but true. ... Does Junior Gotti even begin to comprehend the notion of irony? ... What are the the four most terrifying words in journalism? "First in a series" ...

--Will no one speak for Teddy Roosevelt? The Sudanese government imprisoned a British teacher who taught at an exclusive grade school in Sudan for blasphemy, inciting hatred and insulting Islam. Her offense: Her students had a teddy-bear-naming contest, and the name Muhammad, which of course is a common name throughout the Moslem world, was selected. Hmmm. It would seem the authorities in Sudan might have more important things to concern themselves with ... like, oh, dunno, Darfur? Incidentally, teddy bears derive their generic name from Theodore Roosevelt, who was president at the time the little stuffed critters became a craze. ...


--Now that they've screwed up everything else, are they about to screw up the simple, utterly practical, all-weather, easy-to-use-without-gizmos-with-keys, ain't-broke-don't-fix-it book. (Yep.)


--And lastly: Is there anything Diane Sawyer won't do?


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Brazil Blog. The Transponder: Case Closed?

The Brazilian Air Force panel investigating the horrific Sept. 29, 2006, mid-air collision that killed 154 in the Amazon has concluded that the American pilots could not have accidentally turned off the transponder in the business jet that survived the crash. And nobody who isn't certifiably crazy thinks they did so deliberately.

(Update, Nov. 30 -- Down the rabbit hole again: A Brazilian federal judge says the pilots have to return to Brazil for trial. Case closed! Call the witnesses! See my Brazil blog. )

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Thanksgiving and the Pilgrims, The Worst Business Travelers Ever

I cannot be held responsible for my actions the next time I am presented with one more Thanksgiving feature about either that dirty old rock sunk in trash-filled muck on the beach in depressing Plymouth, Mass., or about the damned miserable Pilgrims.

Why do we buy into this nonsense every Thanksgiving, an otherwise fine holiday? Why do we teach children these stone lies?

The Pilgrims' voyage was the earliest example in this country of a really, really bad business trip that never should have been undertaken.

Having been given the bums' rush from England, where they were unable to establish their odious form of sexually-repressed religious fanaticism, they inflicted themselves upon these shores expressly to implant a tradition of religious fanaticism, intolerance and Taliban-like retributiveness in the unsuspecting New World.

I think the Indians were remarkably tolerant of these gapers, considering that the Indians carried hatchets.

I tell British friends who pronounce themselves appalled at some of the things going on in the U.S. today that their own ancestors bear a good part of the blame. I mean, they imposed the Pilgrims, and the Pilgrims' partners in repression and religious hatred the Puritans, upon us 400 years ago.

"Can we send them back now?" I ask. "No, thank you very much," the Brits reply quickly.

Anyway, happy Thanksgiving.

We're holed up for the holiday at our getaway in the Sonoran desert, where it's 80 degrees and spectacularly sunny. This year, my daughter, son-in-law and their two small children joined us in Arizona.

Last night near twilight, my wife took our 4-year-old grandson for a walk in the Saguaro National Park. The boy is at an age where television and peer influences press the idea of "monsters" on him, and his parents have been very successful at dispelling the notion that monsters exist.

But on their walk on a long path, my wife and grandson encountered a huge jackrabbit that was more than 3 feet tall. The beast must have weighed 30 pounds, said my wife, a woman who never, ever exaggerates, and who only takes a single Coors Light on occasion.

The humongous jackrabbit just sat there looking at them, and as they looked back, he moved off to a spot 10 feet away and resumed staring. Then everybody walked on.

Now to me, this constituted an encounter with an actual, living monster. All of that work gone to hell, telling the kid there are no such things! But the boy just took it in stride, informing me later that he saw a rabbit "that was as big as me."

[I know Sonoran jackrabbits are not known for growing to anywhere near that size, but there are plenty of anecdotal reports online of just such beasts, and a cowboy I know out here says he's seen more than a few. Trust me: This was a monster jackrabbit].

But enough about rabbits.

The morning travel news is keyed to the idea that air travel yesterday went off fairly smoothly. My jaw dropped to see news organizations actually credit that risible "Thanksgiving Express Lanes" nonsense (that's a reference to Bush's hyped press conference last week, where he said some that commercial airliners would, for five days, be able to wander into air space reserved for the military off the East Coast. The effect is like adding an extra lane to a congested section of I-95 feeding into a tool plaza. That anyone took the Thanksgiving Express Lanes ploy seriously is a great wonder.)

Air travel went off yesterday without horrendous hitches because the weather was good. But many airports, especially in the New York area, still reported serious delays. And nothing has been fixed.

Meanwhile, as predicted, an airfare hike snuck in while the media were running around shrieking about travel delays and other worsening problems, real and imagined.

The fare hike, which could be the start of the 9th round of incremental industrywide fare increases since Labor Day, was slipped in by US Airways Tuesday night, according to the vigilant Rick Seaney of Farecompare.com

US Air calls it a "fuel surcharge." Call it what you will. According to Rick, US Air filed a $4.65 per ticket increase, which comes to $5 with the 7.5 percent U.S. sales tax. That means, you pay an extra $5 whether you buy a roundtrip or one-way ticket.

You'll hear no carping here about these small fare increases, buy the way. Oil is about to kiss $100 a barrel again and the airlines need to raise fares a modest amount. They also need to improve service and improve their attitudes along with those slightly higher prices -- and that doesn't mean cutting capacity and strangling routes in small and mid-size cities.

I just wish they wouldn't be so coy about it. Come right out and say it: Can everybody please chip in for gas?

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Bwaaaaaahahaha: Holiday Hobgoblins

Every Monday I enjoy reading the airline forecast expert Mike Boyd's provocative, refreshingly cranky, online column on air travel -- even though he dismisses most travel reporters as dimwits. Of the the big holiday travel day on Wednesday, he says: "The good news is, it should be like pretty much like any other Wednesday. The bad news is, it should be pretty much like any other Wednesday." Here's the link.

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The Morning News: Kyla We Hardly Knew Ye

Does every incident in this country ultimately turn into cheesy irony?

Remember Kyla Ebbert, the 23-year-old college student (and, let's get it out of the way now, part-time Hooters waitress) who was barred from a flight by a snippy Southwest Airlines agent named Keith for wearing the outfit shown at left?

To me, the incident was an indication mostly of Southwest Airlines disgracing itself. Again. (See my posts of Sept. 15, 13, 9 and 7.)

Well, now I see from an item today in Salon that Kyla has flipped her 15 minutes of fame into a photo layout in Playboy.


Jayzus.

Incidentally, does anyone still buy Playboy, even for the articles?


Says Salon, with a bit of a Fox entertainment-TV, male-adolescent snigger:

"After consulting with Mom and Dad, Ebbert agreed. She's currently featured on the magazine's Web site in a spread titled, wait for it, "Legs in the Air" (it goes without saying, NSFW)." [Geezer alert here: I have no freaking idea what that coy 'NSFW' means. I'm just guessing it indicates if you're 13 years old Salon says you shouldn't click on it. Me, I say go for it.] (Update Nov. 19 -- Readers inform me it means "Not Suitable For Work." Thank you.)

Anyway, Salon adds, "If Playboy's overloaded server is any indication, plenty of people would have been more than happy to be her seatmate.


"Southwest capitalized on this media circus by recently offering "miniskirt" fares -- now Ebbert's getting her piece of this prurient pie. When asked to comment on the photos, Ebbert simply said: "I don't see anything wrong with the female body."

Me either, sweetie. And I certainly got nothing against what the author Jim Harrison calls "nekkid women."


The issue is her brain, not her body. Kyla, trust me: You do not have a career in Hollywood no matter what any of those nice people told you. It's time to go back to school and shut up now.

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Hype Arriving at Gate 1600

The airlines and their pals the pols are increasingly afraid of the potential for a major breakdown in air traffic over the year-end holidays. Every time I check my e-mail I have another breathless press release about how they're rushing to make it all o.k. Don't worry! We're on top of it!


Even the White House has stirred itself and got into the act. Uh-oh, now I know for sure we're in the jackpot.

Note the tone in the media. Now we have an official White House promise! It's NEWS! Jayzus, I can see the correspondents posing in front of those airport tote boards already, and it's not even time for the network news.

Anyway, you heard the following here first:

--The risible "Thanksgiving Express Lanes" proposed by the White House. Selectively opening up air-traffic lanes reserved for, but little used by, the military in the Northeast will be the equivelant of opening up an extra lane on some ramps on I-95 north of Miami. It will funnel traffic into a slightly wider space and promptly pour it right back.

--After they announce caps that will put limits on the numbers of flights at JFK and LaGuardia (and they will), some of that traffic will spill over to Newark, which already has some of the worst delays in the country.

--The White House says the government is "encouraging airlines to take their own measures to prevent delays." That's simply a reiteration of "promises" the airlines have made in a desperate attempt to sidetrack a federal Passenger Bill of Rights law, versions of which are now in both houses. Conspicuously missing from all of the vague "proposals" are guarantees, or mandates, on how many hours stranded passengers can be kept on board planes for the convenience of the airlines. That is the third-rail that nobody in government really wants to touch.

--The phony pose of rushing to action will hand the airlines a beautiful opportunity to announce further domestic capacity and schedule cut-backs, except on lucrative business-travel routes and domestic routes that feed into international connections. You know, as a patriotic gesture.

--The Executive Branch? Come on. Every one of them, from the President to the head of Transportation and Homeland Security departments, and the inept FAA, is a short-timer, planning to cash-in the minute the next president raises a hand to take the oath of office. You really don't think they're serious about fixing a very complex problem, do you? There's no upside to that. Just hold a press conference to Show Your Care. But hey, there's a war on! Where's your flag lapel-pin?

--On the other hand, the White House has cleverly positioned itself to win no matter what happens. If the holidays go off without a major hitch, the Bush administration will take credit for it (and just watch how fast some media dimwits rush to credit the risible Thankksgiving Express Lanes, when any actual credit should go to luck and good weather). If it all goes to hell, the White House is on record expressing its concern and desire for action.

Meanwhile, the House Aviation Subcommittee held a hearing today to examine the preparations by airlines and airports to handle the holiday travel rush.

“The airline industry has had a very tough year in terms of customer service,” said Rep. Jerry Costello, the Illinois Democrat who chairs the subcommittee, which heard from airline and airport executives. That would be the understandment of the month (so far).

"No one expects them to eliminate all delays, but it is how they mitigate delays and how they treat their customers when delays happen that matters,” he said.

The witnesses noted that the airlines have hired additional staff, particularly customer relations personnel, and will use what the subcommittee press release calls"enhanced communications with passengers to inform them about delays and time-saving practices." (Right. Airlines say they bought some new PCs and software to fix the problem. Ran down to Best Buy and picked up a few things.

The statement added, "The airports have also added staff, and will have more food and water available and the necessary equipment to get passengers off of planes if necessary in case of long delays."

Well, we'll see. The very last thing the airlines want is still another debacle with passengers stranded on plans for six, nine, 12 hours. Very bad PR, that. But if bad weather hits in a system with no slack, during a peak travel season, with all planes full, there may be nothing they can do to prevent another ugly occurrence.

Kate Hanni tells me that she and her 20,000 or so volunteers in her Coalition for Airline Passengers Bill of Rights are loaded for bear during the new travel-torture season, which starts tomorrow.

Kate, whose energy has been unflagging as strandings became a huge issue this year, is virtually single-handedly responsible for the current rush within the airlines, the Congress and now the White House to get on the popular side of the issues of stranded passengers, both those stuck on parked planes and those stuck in airports where airlines have no ability to accommodate them, sometimes for days.

As soon as the subcommittee posts a transcript of the hearing, I'll link to it.

The subcommittee heard testimony from among the usual suspects:

Richard Anderson, chief executive officer of Delta Air Lines; David Barger, the chief executive of JetBlue; Edward P. Faberman, executive director of the Air Carrier Association (and a lawyer who represents airlines and airports); Krys T. Bart, executive director of the Reno-Tahoe International Airport and the chairman of the American Association of Airport Executives; and Gregory Principato, president of the Airports Council International – North America.

We'll see what they had to say for themselves once a transcript is available.

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Airline Delays Accelerating?

Above: Pinal Air Park near Tucson, one of two big desert sites where airlines can park planes.

I once worked for a smart newspaper city editor who had a couple of pet peeves on behalf of readers. Top on the list was: In a story, don't ask me any damned questions. I'm a reader who is paying you 25 cents (this was a long time ago) to give me answers, not to annoy me with questions.

That said, are airline delays accelerating?

The stats are sketchy, as the Thanksgiving holiday travel season/airport torture-fest starts tomorrow. But early indications do not look good, in an air-traffic system stretched to its limits. Last night, I was getting calls from people maneuvering flight cancellations and delays on the West Coast, bound for New York.

Here's how it looked yesterday afternoon and night at New York airports, which are the dog that wags the national air-travel system tail. Ground-delay programs were in effect by late afternoon at all three airports, which also were citing weather, specifically "low ceiling," for mounting delays.

Using the brilliant old technique of looking out the window, what I saw was a moderately cloudy late afternoon, with no storms and no rain. It was a Wednesday before the holiday season, a slow travel day, and weather across the country was O.K.

Anyway, at Newark, a mere 17 percent of the 347 flights scheduled to arrive between 3 p.m. and midnight yesterday were on time. Of the late arrivals, the vast majority, 208, got in 45 minutes or more (and sometimes much more) after arrival time. (The stats are from http://www.flightstats.com/)

At Kennedy, only 36 percent of the 338 flights scheduled to arrive between 3 p.m. and midnight arrived on time. Of the late arrivals, 135 got in 45 minites or more after arrival time.

At LaGuardia, 18 percent of the 274 flights scheduled to arrive between 3 p.m. and midnight arrived on time, and of the late arrivals, 153 got in 45 minutes or more late.

This, folks, does not look good.

Meanwhile, the airlines are busy giving songs and dances to anyone who taps them on the shoulder. They're tripping over one another to send out press releases assuring the public that they will more more adept at providing adance information to travelers in the event of impending disruptions.

Not to worry!

Several major airlines have actually issued press releases saying they've reiterated or imposed procedures for addressing the ticking-time-bomb problem of stranded passengers. Most say they will re-assess the situation when a plane is stuck on the tarmac for three hours, allowing pilots and ops centers to try to work out a way to get the plane back to the gate.

And the airlines are also claiming that they have installed new technology to run their operations more efficiently and to track delays and diversions better.

Yeah, and I've installed a new system to address the problem of mounds of clutter on my desk. It's called hope. My wife calls it "pipe dream."

Are delays accelerating?

My hunch is, you bet.

How will the airline deal with disruptions?

My guess is they'll punt. The airlines -- network carriers and low-cost carriers alike -- are terrified by surging fuel costs and declining revenue quality, to the point where schedules could be pulled back on short notice.

Mike Boyd's airline-forecast column this week at http://www.aviationplanning.com/ makes some very intriguing points.

Some are long-term look (chronic high oil prices, severe pilot shortages, especially on the regional carriers, looming labor-union trouble).

And some are short-term -- most prominently, that rising fares might finally trigger a sudden, unanticipated drop in demand, causing airlines to "valve off" capacity.

Valve-off capacity? That means, basically, remove more seats from the system and on short notice.

How do you do this? Well, if you're a big network carrier with all those older planes, say Northwest and American, you can rather simply yank some out of service and park them in the desert till things blow over, if and when. After all, you own that trusty old MD80, which has been paid off since Christ was a corporal, as that same city editor I knew used to say.

If you're a low-cost carrier you have a bit more of a problem. Chances are higher that your (newer) planes still have a monthly payment due. Parking them in the Sonoran or Mojave deserts, where they generate no revenue at all, isn't an attractive option.

I'm hearing a lot of speculation right now that airlines have contingency plans to "valve down" capacity on short notice even before the end of the year. Any fall-off in passenger demand caused by rising fares wouldn't really manifest itself in the next six weeks of peak travel, since most polans have been made and most tickets have been purchased. But the smell of panic is in the air.

My bet is the airlines slip another unilateral fare hike in this weekend. It would be the ninth incremental fare hike since Labor Day.

Sorry, but I have to leave this with another unanswered question.

Will panicked airlines, despite their growing fears of serious federal intervention if they start stranding passengers in large numbers again, reduce capacity on short notice?

I was walking past Macy's in Manhattan yesterday and my spirits lifted as I watched the crews and trucks and cranes installing the massive store's Christmas decorations. I was up by the skating rink in Rockefeller Center the other day and it too was beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

We're headed to Tucson this weekend for Thanksgiving. (Pinal Air Park, where airlines can mothball or temporarily park planes, is nearby, and I expect to pay it a visit).

But then it's back home. I like New York at Christmas. And that is where I intend to be, far from the airports.

At least that's my hope and/or pipe dream.

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Great American Airlines Ad

No kidding, check it out. (The one titled "Team Building.")


It's one of the new American Airlines ads produced for business travelers, and it made me laugh out loud. You ever been to one of those goofy training seminars?

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Plane Porn: The Private A380

Lookit that! Those are some renderings of what an Airbus A380 might look like outfitted as a private jet.

I wrote about this a while ago, but now there's an actual buyer identified. (Airbus told me they have still another private-A380 buyer lined up, but didn't identify the person).

The superjumbo Airbus A380, the first commercial flight of which occurred recently from Sydney to Singapore on Singapore Airlines, is also being marketed as a business jet for the extremely rich.

But build a little skepticism in for media hype here, because it's going to be many years before Airbus delivers any A380 to any private customer. So far, 10 A380s have been built, of the total 189 on order by 16 corporate customers, including international airlines (no U.S. carriers, and none on the horizon) and airline fleet-leasers.

By the end of 2009, assuming there are no further production hitches in the hitch-plagued production schedule, Airbus will have completed fewer than 100 of the planes already ordered.

So that's a long time before the Saudi prince -- who's currently in a mere private Boeing 747 -- gets his plane (and by the way, sweet Jayzus, how many princes does that country have? I know it's somewhere in the thousands).

(Some of the background in the AP story linked to above is ridiculously wrong. You can't get a LearJet or a Gulfstream for "$2 to $5 million," for example. Add a zero to those single digits. Also, that British editor the AP quotes is misinformed. There are dozens of commercial airliners that have been converted to private jets, including A319s and 320s and Boeing 737s, 757s, 767s and 747s. There are at least 10 private 747s flying now.)

Anyway, it's nice to have a look at what the designers of a private A380 have envisioned. These mock-ups were given to me last year by Lufthansa Technik, the Lufthansa subsidiary that specializes in private jet interior design, among other things.

The A380 currently sells for about $320 million. Add another $100 to $125 million for the interior fixings, Technik says.

I flew the A380 on a shakedown flight between Frankfurt and New York earlier this year, by the way. That plane, operated by a Lufthansa crew, carried about 500 people in three classes.


The A380 actually is actually certified to carry 853, just to give you an image of the other extreme from the Saudi prince's airborne palace. Imagine, just you and 852 others on a plane! Or lined up at the baggage carousel.

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The Morning News: Coincidence? You Decide

Vice President Dick Cheney, the warrior who dodged the draft during Vietnam by applying for and receiving five deferrals ("I had other priorities," he once explained), gave the memorial Veterans Day speech yesterday at the Tomb of the Unknowns in Washington.

Meanwhile, news reports said the monument, formerly known as the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, has developed cracks.

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The Morning News: Yo, Rocky Travel

Top: Philadelphia Museum of Art

Right: Crappy "Rocky" statue before they moved it down to the sidewalk.

The city where I was born, Philadelphia, has always had a split personality. I personally once heard the thuggish late mayor Frank ("I'll Make Attila the Hun Look Like a Fag") Rizzo refer to the Philadelphia Orchestra as a "band" -- which kind of sums it up for me. Though in fairness I should add that he did call it a "really great band."

Here's a link to Rizzo.

Actually, it's a nice town in a lot of ways -- not all of which are apparent in some Philadelphia-generated tourism information, which tends to focus on things like that godawful kitsch statue of the movie character Rocky Balboa, which was once located actually above the magnificent steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art before some of the more sensible people in town managed to haul it down to a basketball arena in South Philadelphia and then, under pressure, install it in a less prominent spot near the Art Museum.

And don't let anyone tell you that a visit to Philadelphia should include a stop at the 9th Street Market, more commonly known as the Italian Market, in South Philadelphia. The last time I was there it looked more like a souk in Yemen, but without the charm, selection, sophistication, sanitation and fresh produce.

Here's some ungrammatical local hype on the Philadelphia 9th Street market -- and yes, on the side of that building, that's a kitsch mural of the late Mayor Attila the Hun himself. Incidentally, Rizzo was still another of those tough-guy warriors who somehow managed to avoid combat -- unlike, say, the actual Attila the Hun. Rizzo the Hun was in the pre-World War II Navy for less than a year before he was discharged under circumstances that have never been adequately explained.)

[If you're visiting Philadelphia, don't say I didn't warn you about that grossly overhyped street market. Here is an excerpt from a travel review of the market on TripAdvisor.com last year: "The thing we were most surprised and disappointed about was how small the "Italian Market" area was, and how many vacant stores there were. The worst thing about it was the filth - the streets and sidewalks were absolutey filthy with trash, as well as a lot of dead pigeons. ..."]

But back to Rocky:

In Philadelphia, the Rocky statue/movie prop, now installed on a sidewalk near the Art Museum, at least out of the way of the grand view, is notable for its utter lack of irony.

On the other hand, there's a gem of a story in today's Times about a Rocky Balboa statue in Serbia, where there appears to be a new culture, perhaps politically derisive, that evokes American kitsch iconography, perhaps ironically.

The nuance of it all! Makes me actually think that maybe Serbia might be worth a visit, if that's the way they're thinking about stuff there these days.

Also, the photo caption on the Times's Serbian Rocky statue picture, which begins with the words "Yo Adriatic!" is itself worth a special Pulitzer Prize.

And by the way, the word "Yo" does not come from hip-hop culture. In Philadelphia, it has always been the way to begin most exclamatory and many interrogatory sentences.

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The Morning News: Dumb Sheriffs Contest

Just when you conclude that Phoenix's Joe Arpaio (see previous posts) is the dumbest sheriff in America, another invincible doofus comes along to challenge him for the title. From Smokinggun.com.

See also the always invaluable Snopes.com for some sensible background.

[Update Nov. 12 -- More on this nonsense from Salon, as desperately dumb-ass television news programs get a whiff.]

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Brazil: Another Fatal Air Crash

Another fatal air crash killed at least 8 people today in Sao Paulo. It was the fourth aviation crash in a week. Details, my Brazil blog.

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Travel Photo of the Week

Uh ... I'll wait.

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The Morning News: Shoes

Here, from pilot Patrick Smith in today's Salon, is one of the more sensible columns I've read in a while on the various follies of airport security.

Smith doesn't hammer hard-working and generally decent T.S.A. screeners in general, though as experience has taught me, any organized group of people will contain about 10 percent half-wits, and he's got one in here.

And I couldn't agree more about PBS which, except for some of the Frontline reports, is starting to look and sound an awful lot like ... ugh, network television. And don't get me started on WNYC radio and its prissy daily local output.

The Morning's Airline News: Fresh Hell Ahead

In a year in which record delays, cancellations and passenger-strandings have been accompanied by robust profits, airlines are busily planning to pack more people in. Doug Parker, the CEO of US Airways, which reported a $117 million profit for the third-quarter, crows here that airlines need to exercise more "capacity restraint" and get rid of "excess capacity."

Excess capacity?

Domestic airlines are already flying with all seats full on most routes. US Airwars, for example, filled a record 81.6 percent of its seats in the first nine months of this year. US Air, alone among the major carriers, doesn't break out its seats-filled figures domestic vs. international, but domestic load-factors (the percentage of seats filled) typically exceed international ones.

At over 80 percent systemwide, it's considered that nearly every flight is full.

The airline industry wants us all to get used to it. The planes -- where coach cabins are torture chambers after a few hours -- are going to be full, all the time. You don't like it? Tough, say the airlines. Whaddya gonna do, drive 1,500 miles each way?

Here is what the airlines have learned in this worst year ever for customer service: We're treating them like cattle and we're making more money at it! [Of course, cattle get fed and there are laws governing humane transport of cattle]

We're in a seasonal lull right now, and the system is working fairly smoothly. But wait till the holiday season starts next month. You know, when all the cheap-ticket leisure travelers and kiddies return, now laden with packages for Christmas at grandma's?

You ain't seen nothin' yet.

By the way, Kate Hanni's Coalition for Airline Passengers' Bill of Rights now has 21,000 active members. And they all take notes.

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The Morning News: Heckuva Job, FEMA

Is there no idiocy to which this government will not descend? From today's Washington Post, on the F.E.M.A. press conference on the California wildfires.

Naturally, it took Fox News no time at all to make a very fine ass of itself speculating about the cause(s) of the wildfires.

Jayzus, when you can't even cover a fire ...

[Update: Oct. 28 -- Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff, unlike his lamebrain predecessor and lamebrain boss, at least recognizes a disaster when he sees one. "I think it was one of the dumbest and most inappropriate things I've seen since I've been in government," said Chertoff, who evidently does not watch the news very much. Meanwhile, let's just note that Vice Admiral Harvey E. Johnson, the F.E.M.A. deputy director, probably shouldn't be looking for that fourth star.]

[Update: Oct. 30 -- Vice Admiral Johnson, it is reported, is retired, which means he failed to get that fourth star previously. And he's a retired Coast Guard admiral, which is to an actual admiral roughly what a Salvation Army colonel is to an actual colonel.]

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L.A. Observed

I'm not going to post one of those dramatic fire photos from the raging wildfires in Southern California because we all know what fires look like.

While trying to follow the wildfire story yesterday and today -- a story about an area I have some knowledge of and affinity for -- something occurred to me.

You know what's really, really dead? No, not newspapers. The Los Angeles Times Web site is right up to date, though very slow -- an indication that the publishers are unprepared for the sudden surge in demand. And that front-page map of the fires today on the front page of the New York Times was the first I have seen that seems to recognize that this story has a ferociously strong element of geography to it.

You know what's dead? Television news is what. You can readily link to any of the Southern California television stations. All of the major ones, like this and this, are covering the fires full-time, and I simply cannot figure out what is going on from them (though this one in San Diego, at least has a Web site with useful text information if you don't have the six hours needed to sort out the story on the live TV feed).

Click on most of these TV newscasts and try to figure the story out in a reasonable time, while sitting through tediously repetitive commentary on the already well-known, accompanied by dramatic video of ... smoke and fire. Smoke and fire without context and, for the most part, without intelligible geography. The same clips over and over, without context.

I could take Los Angeles local television for about 15 minutes before going back online to text, thank you very much. Sorry, up-to-the-minute TV. You're over. You're a cheap visual tumble in the news hay.

I just don't have the time to sit here waiting for you to get around to telling me the story.

Business travelers looking at a trip to Los Angeles or San Diego this week already know where to go for the usual information on flights and the like.

But this is an intensely local story, and the most basically local sources are excellent. Try some like the "Here in Malibu" blog, which is posting reporting at its most local -- and useful. It's linked to at LA Observed, which has other useful local links and, as its motto partly states, "a sense of place." Today it's carrying one of the few great photographs from this story, via the Los Angeles Times, showing eight firefighters zipped in body-bag-like protective fire "huts" as flames race over them on an Orange County ridge. That photo commands attention.

But please, let's have fewer photos in general where text and graphics are needed: We know what fire looks like. We know what grieving homeowners look like. We know what a burned-down mansion looks like.

How about running something more useful and fascinating, given the raw geography of Southern California. How about more good locator, regional and topographical maps instead?

Yeah, I know, the newspaper design people don't like maps much, and love photos of flames and crying victims instead. The design people also don't particularly like words.

But the design people should be asked to wait whence they came, in the Lifestyles on Parade section, till the fire burns out and those of us who care manage to figure out, in context, what the hell happened, where, and why, in Southern California.

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This Being Sunday, Phoenix Paper Genuflects

The Gannettoids in Phoenix, vigilantly policing the First Amendment with the tenacious competence of Barney Fife, make sure that the Special Prosecutor who created the national embarrassment over the weekly New Times (see posts below), gets respectful treatment today in the "Arizona Republic." He "will not stand to see his reputation tarnished," the Gannettoids assure Phoenix. (Can an entire metropolis be said to giggle?)

After all, the Gannettoids might get in trouble some day (though why is anyone's guess, since the authorities always give extra points for chronic genuflecting) -- and they sure do not want any authority mad at them.

Oh, and speaking of risible piety, check out this from the same paper's editorial today:

"We are gratified that the outlandish attempt to punish an alternative weekly newspaper for the crime of offending the sensibilities of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has ended. The Republic often is leery of New Times' style of free-for-all journalism. But, in this appalling overreach of government intrusion, both the New Times and the public were grievously wronged."

Egad: The 'Republic' often is leery of ...!

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Phoenix Loon Platoon: 'Never Mind'

Why you! ... Evidently the derision got too heavy for Maricopa County Sheriff Joe (Pinky) Arpaio and the stooges in the prosecutors office. The desert loons have now dropped charges against the weekly Phoenix New Times, including a subpoena that demanded the names, browser I.D.s and browsing histories of every single person who visited the New Times Web site since 2004.

Here's some more derisive reaction.

Next year, sensible Phoenix-area voters will toss this asinine Arpaio character out of office, and Phoenix will take its place without restriction as one of the coolest cities in the U.S., even at 115 degrees in July.

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By the Time You Get to Phoenix...

...You could be under subpoena, if you click this news link from the weekly Phoenix New Times. For those of you who don't want to end up in pink uniforms in the Desert Loon's jail, here's a link from the Gannettoids at the timid Arizona Republic, Phoenix's daily paper, which blandly reports that New Times is "at odds" with the sheriff and various worthies in the county prosecutor's office.

At freakin' odds! Jayzus! Do sentient creatures edit these newspaper stories?

Last night, the sheriff's boys arrested two editors from New Times, which (unlike the local Gannett paper) has a long tradition of aggressively investigating the astonishingly weird (and worse) activities of the Desert Loon.

As noted here yesterday, Sheriff Joe (Pinky) Arpaio and the Keystone Kops in the Maricopa County prosecutor's office issued a subpoena to New Times seeking the names and Web browsing histories of every single person who visited the online edition of New Times since 2004.

How, oh how, does a really nice place like Phoenix -- home of great weather, superb restaurants, magnificent scenery, a public radio station way better than that preternaturally prissy station in New York City -- manage to elect these invincible goofballs?

Meanwhile, the great battleships of the Mainstream Media are slowly responding with their 5-inch guns, instead of their 16-inchers, popping out little 800-word summaries about this truly astonishing sequence of events -- a free press under brazen assault; editors hauled off to jail in the night.

Every one of these great bastions of the First Amendment ought to prominently post live links to Phoenix New Times on their own Web sites (here's another one, reporting that the editors were released from jail today) -- so that 10 or 20 million people could stand up against this stunningly anti-American assault on the First Amendment. There can't be that many pink jail suits in all of Arizona.

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Sheriff Joe Wants to Know Where You Go (Online)

I love Arizona enormously, but I find the Phoenix area a little spooky, and it has nothing to do with the heat, or at least the heat as defined by temperature. Here's one big reason.

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World Pilots Group to Brazil: Suspend Prosecution, Wait for Evidence

My Brazil blog is down (Blogspot informs me it will "review" whether it's a spam blog or not and get back to me in 4 days, as if 4 days means squat, which is one major reason this blog will soon appear in a new, reliable and professional format). Here's a new statement on the scapegoating of the U.S. pilots. The statement is from the International Federation of Air Line Pilots Associations.

That group, by the way, has consistently been inexcusably far behind on developments. In referring to "possible criminal prosecutions" for example, it is evidently unware that the criminal trial of the American pilots and four Brazilian controllers has in fact been under way for a month in Sinop, the regional city nearest the crash site in the Amazon.

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T.S.A.: Shoes News

The long-awaited GE shoe-scanner got the boot yesterday from the Transportation Security Administration.

The machine was designed to allow members of the Clear version of the Registered Traveler program to pass through security without having to remove their shoes and put them on the belt.

Clear, which has opened lanes at 10 airports and is expanding, has about 68,000 members. They pay $99.95 a year for a biometric I.D. card and a special lane to expedite the checkpoint process. The shoe-scanner, developed by GE in a partnership with Clear, was the first in what Registered Traveler program operators envisioned as an assortment of new technology, including a machine that would allow laptops to remain in their cases.

Here's the text of the T.S.A. announcement on nixing the GE shoe-scanner:

"TSA and GE agreed in July on a series of specifications that needed to be met before a GE shoe scanner would be authorized for widespread use in U. S. airports. The specifications covered minimum requirements for explosives and weapons detection. The Department of Homeland Security’s Science and Technology Directorate, Transportation Security Laboratory, and the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) have concluded the tests.

The results were as follows:

The shoe-scanning feature on the machine presented for testing on August 20 does not meet minimum detection standards. While significant improvements were made, (in fact a new machine was submitted) the shoe scanner still does not meet standards to ensure detection of explosives.

GE’s been apprised of these results and TSA and GE have agreed to continue working together. TSA and its partners at the laboratory stand ready to further test the GE shoe scanner feature upon completion of additional detection capability enhancements to meet the agreed upon security requirements.

The machine currently in use in Orlando does not meet minimum detection standards and several additional security measures are required by TSA to mitigate the shortfalls of the shoe scanner feature. Accordingly, the prototype shoe scanner used in Orlando will be discontinued, effective October 10. It had been hoped that an acceptable scanner would be available, but given that the lab prototype does not meet all standards, TSA will not authorize the shoe scanner feature for security purposes in any of the airports where it is currently deployed and awaiting use. The GE Kiosks may be used to read biometric cards associated with the Registered Traveler program but will not provide a security benefit."

For more information on Registered Traveler click here.

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Brazil: Unsafe Skies? Why, I Oughta...

More coverup, blame shifting and scapegoating in the land that logic emigrated from. See my Brazil blog.
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Brazil: The Keystone Cops Weigh in Again

I am now in India, a lovely, well-mannered country where nobody has tried to kill me, by crashing an airplane into me and blaming the innocent pilots, and so for a time at least Brazil seems, well a half world away.

But the vigilant and honorable Richard Pedicini, our Sao Paulo bureau chief, has remained on the job, 24 - 7 it seems to me.

Evidently, the congressional invetogators, known as the CPI, have now signed off on their "report," which evidently exonerates the air traffic controllers and blames only the American pilots. This remarkable feat or investigative work has been accomplished by the tried and true method of ignoring the undisputed evidence and deliberately mistranslating sections of the cockpit voice recorder. Oh, and why have we not heard Word One from the Gol recorder?

Now, I have been remiss in not saying that I hear regularly from sensible, fair minded Brazilians who tell me their country can be crazy. And I have been hearing from a lot of the recently warning me that the CPI has about as much credibility as the Myanmar parliament..


Anyway, here's an update, translation courtesy as usual of Mr. Pedicini.

httpp://www.sonoticias.com.br/mostra.php?id=54365 General Sinop court asks for interference of STJ in trial over Boeing crash October 5, 2007 - 16:28 The continuation of the trial on the accident involving the Gol plane - the second worst in Brazilian aviation - in the North of Mato Gosso, will depend on a decision of the Supremo [should be "Superior"] Tribunal de Justiça (STJ). The federal judge of Sinop, Murilo Mendes, 'raised as an impediment a positive conflict of jurisdiction' and asked for the intervention of the court. Só Notícias obtained, first hand, the gist of the decision, published today, after the magistrate became aware that a criminal action is underway in the Military Courts, in Brasilia, which investigates the same facts as the trial underway in the Federal Court of Sinop. "It is not convenient for anyone that a situation of uncertainty continues in relation to thsich court has jurisdiction for the trial and judgment of the air traffic controllers. Everything recommends that the Superior Tribunal of Justice pronounce on this material. This avoids, among other things, the performance of unnecessary investigations by the judge who at the end comes to be judged incompetent by the STJ. But it isn't just this. It should be taken into account the circumstance that it constitutes flagrant illegal constraint to oblige the defendants to answer for the same facts before two bodies with distinct jurisdiction", he justified in his decision. In the indictment offered by the Federal Prosecutors' Office, the accused were air traffic controllers Jomarcelo Fernandes dos Santos, Lucivando Tibúrcio de Alencar, Leandro José Santos de Barros and Felipe dos Santos Reis, and the pilots of the Legacy jet Joseph Lepore and Jan Paladino. In August, the four controllers were interrogated in Sinop, and related that they were not aware that they were responding to a military inquiry. Mendes also remembered that, after the accident, the STJ determined that the trial was in the jurisdiction of the Federal Court of Sinop, under the argument that "in dealing with crime practiced on board an aircraft or in detriment to goods, services or the interest of the Union, jurisdiction is with the Federal Courts, by force of constitutional command". This week, judge Zilah Maria Callado Fadul Petersen, of the 11th Military, in Brasilia, rejected the indictment by the Military Prosecutors' Office (MPM) against five air traffic controllers, among them the four indicted in Sinop, for involvement in the accident. Another point questioned by Murilo Mendes is in relation to the crime of which they are accused. In the MPF's indictment, they were charged under article 261 of the Criminal Code, exposing to danger an embarkation or aircraft, one's own or another's, or practicing any act that tend to impede or hinder maritime, fluvial, or air navigation. Now, article 283 of the Military Penal Code provides - expose to danger an aircraft or ship, one's own or another's, under military guard, protection or requisition emanating from a legal order, or in a place subject to military administration, as well as practicing any act that tend to impede or hinder air, sea, river or lake navigation under military administration, guard or protection. "The facts described in the accusatory piece, taken together, are not subsumed in that type of crime. There it speaks of "exposing to danger an aircraft under military guard, protection or requisition, or in a place subject to military administration". The airplanes weren't under guard. Guard is the 'act or effect of guarding, surveillance, care, guarding'. The only plausible possibility in favor of the classifying the acts as a military crime would be the allegation that the aircraft were "in a place subject to military administration" he justified. In the Military Court's decision, not accepting the indictment by the MPM, the judge argued that the indictment did not conform to article 77 of the Military Criminal Code, [should be "Codigo de processo penal militar" Code of military criminal procedure, see http://www.dji.com.br/decretos_leis/1969-001002-cppm/cppm__0077a0081.htm#Art.%2077], which determines "the exposition of the criminal fact, with all its circumstances". Source: Só Notícias/Tania Rauber

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On This I Really Can't Be Firmer; That Country's Proper Name Is Burma

From today's paper: "The country -- the former Burma -- has roughly as many monks as soldiers."

I'd say that's part of the problem. But that's
beside the points, which are:

1. Why do the papers dutifully refer to that godforsaken place as Myanmar? You're not often going to often hear me in agreement with the White House, but I am this time. The name of the country is Burma. Myanmar is a label stuck on it in 1989 by the wack-job thugs who took over in the crazy military coup that still rules today. I don't care what the prissy style-books say, it's Burma.

2. On Sept. 25, 2007 (meaning, only last Tuesday), the Pacific Asia Travel Association put out a cheerful press release "Asia Pacific Tourism Continues to Break Records." True enough, and great! But without irony or footnote, the organization listed "Myanmar" as one of those happy go-to spots that "posted best-ever performances in 2006."

3. Well, you undoubtedly know this already, but if you have immediate Burma plans, cancel them!

In a warning issued last week, the State Department said that "U.S. citizens should defer non-essential travel to Burma at this time." The warning went on:

"The scale of demonstrations by monks and Burmese citizen supporters in Rangoon, Mandalay, and other cities has grown and become more overtly political. Authorities have used gunfire and tear gas against demonstrators, have begun to restrict their movements, and have imposed a curfew from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. The government has banned gatherings of more than five people. The situation remains fluid and an even harsher military reaction could occur at any time, particularly if the protests continue.

"We wish to remind U.S. citizens that even demonstrations intended to be peaceful can turn confrontational and possibly escalate into violence. U.S. citizens are therefore urged to avoid areas of demonstrations and to exercise caution within the vicinity of any demonstrations. U.S. citizens should defer non-essential travel to Burma at this time. Given the fluidity of the current situation, the Department of State advises all U.S. citizens in Burma to monitor events closely, to exercise discretion when moving about, and to avoid any large public gatherings, any visible military presence, and any area cordoned off by security forces."

By the way, a reader insists the name of the country should be Myanmar, and I say it's Burma and the hell with it. The military thugs who changed the name from Burma don't get the benefit of a thumb-sucking copy desk colloquy in this space.

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Hey, 1 Out of 3 Is Batting .333 In Baseball

The Times today has a story about a list of new questions in the civics test for qualification for citizenship.

Here are the three sample questions the report gave:

1. What was one important thing that Abraham Lincoln did?

2. What does the president's cabinet do?

3. What stops one branch of government from becoming too powerful?

I got Number 1 right, but answered "Nothing" to both Number 2 and Number 3, which apparently are incorrect answers, at least according to the credulous Citizenship and Immigration Services.

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But...But There Will ALWAYS Be an Alabama

Quote of the day from the morning news:

"If Huntsville is in the blast zone, there is nothing we can do."

Your Homeland Security tax dollars at work.

For more fallout shelter fun ...

Is Dan Rather on the Discovery Channel?

It's my contention that war is the oldest and of course most extreme form of business travel. My first international business trip, then, was to Saigon in early 1968, courtesy of Uncle Sam.

It's always stuck in my craw that George Bush, the "Bring it on" warrior, managed to dodge Vietnam service thanks to the intervention of Daddy's pals -- and then even managed to be AWOL from a portion of his cushy stateside duty in the National Guard.

The fact that he did so without evident consequence, and now struts around posing as some sort of military patriot, is as irksome to me as the fact that his vice president, the deputy great warrior, got himself five draft deferments during the Vietnam era (saying he had "other priorities"), when other men of the generation were either doing their duty or taking principled stands against the war.

Bush and Cheney did neither. But man, do they flash those cheap flag pins as if someone had pinned Bronze Stars on their lapels.

And man, do they like to return salutes. Ever notice how Bush has the snappy salute down just right?

Can you imagine what Eisenhower would have thought of those two birds?

Anyway, now comes the matter of Dan Rather, suing his former employers at CBS News over the ruination of his career that followed the partially botched but nevertheless essentially accurate report on Bush's time being AWOL.

As a reporter, I've always liked old Dan. He's just tough and screwy enough to remind me of the days when the business was a barrel of laughs, but when its practitioners also believed they served an honest purpose other than making the numbers for Viacom's (or Gannett's) next quarterly report.

Some journalistic sad sacks clinging to their pathetic peerages within the ancien regime are having a good hoot at Rather's supposed folly and self-delusion.

But I doubt the suits are yukking it up all that much in the dark warrens of Viacom and CBS News. Dan Rather, who's pretty rich himself, says this isn't about the money, it's about the principle of the thing. (Incidentally, reversing the recent stand by the gene-pool-deleted Bancroft family of Dow Jones, who showed that it wasn't about the principle of the thing, it was about the money).

My guess is, Dan isn't looking to settle for a tidy sum and with a promise to keep his mouth shut while the papers get sealed and filed away.

If that's the case, the complaint moves into the pre-trial process, when the word they fear most at CBS News and its master Viacom will be: Discovery -- and it has nothing to do with the television network of the same name.

I think Sydney Blumenthal has it just right in Salon today. And the weekly New York Observer also has been seeing this clearly. Cue the orchestra for a little travelin' music. If the Rather complaint isn't summarily dismissed by a judge, and that's unlikely, CBS News is going for a ride.

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Brazil: The Empty Skies

Why pilots of two aircraft on a collision course at 37,000 feet wouldn't necessarily see the other plane, explained by a commercial airline pilot. On my Brazil blog.

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Effete Eastern Elite Liberal College Hands Iran Nitwit His Butt in a Basket

Two words on today's best news story:

Go Columbia.

And oh, shame on the Great Satan, the Columbia reception has caused the Iranian government to become all upset.

I also liked the New York Post headline: "Little Man on Campus."

***

More from the morning news:

--Am delighted to see that the vastly underappreciated Fifth Stooge, Stumpy, is returning to show business...

--I love it when editors of lame local newspapers that no longer actually make the effort to cover the news get into these sad, hand-wringing winge sessions over some friggin' comic strip. These editors love to throw around the term "family newspaper," as if Mom, Dad, Johnny and Susie still sprawl around the living room on Sundays with the funnies.

Various unhappy people have denounced the funnies since the Yellow Kid first came out.

And one thing I've learned when some local editor uses the term "family newspaper." It's always because he or she is deeply, deeply afraid of some reader being unhappy.

Hey Skippy: There's always going to be someone trying to intimidate you. Editors used to be able to take a little heat from sad sacks who have nothing better to do than worry about the comics.

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Dead Mimes and Lame Excuses

(Right: And his last words were: " _________")

(Left): A newspaper lady explains that it was deadlines, not pusillanimity, that caused it to downplay a big anti-war rally in Washington and up-play a small pro-war one. Nothing to do with being afraid to report it honestly. Really. No, it was all about deadlines and how hard it is to count a crowd. Honestly.

The Man in the Outfit, He Ain't No Cowboy

Top is George Bush in characteristic cowboy pose. Left is Nicolas Sarkozy, the publicity-savvy city-slicker French president, whose supporters sometimes referred to him as the "man on the white horse" during his campaign.

As I have said here before, that ain't no horse Sarkozy is on. It is a pony. And Cowboy Nic -- as is clear in the video from which this still is taken (sorry, no link available) -- is barely able to stay mounted at a slow canter, and yanks on the poor pony's mouth to boot.

Still, at least M. Sarkozy isn't afraid to get on a pony, even if it's little more than the bravado a kid would show if his parents arranged for pony rides at his 8th birthday party.

President George Bush likes to style himself as a cowboy. He has the hat and the fancy boots and the belt and that gol-durn Texas twang. We see by his outfit that he wants to be a cowboy.

But as has also been said here before, the man can't ride a horse, which is the absolutely first thing that a real cowboy, by definition, must do. He is afraid of horses. He rides a bike instead.

We have word from the former Mexican president, Vincente Fox, who once tried to get Cowboy George on a horse during a visit. Bush is a "windshield cowboy" who's afraid of horses, Fox says in his new book.

Incidentally, can we please stop referring derisively to things like "cowboy diplomacy" or snorting about "cowboys" like Bush.

According to Gene Autry's code, that man ain't no cowboy.

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